下午去参加Ely小朋友的一岁生日，小寿星的爸爸Moo对我说，a year ago, Erin was just like you, having a big belly. Can't believe it's already been one year! 明年这个时候也会很快来到，我把手放在肚子上回答说，Claire's 1st birthday will come soon before I know it.

 

两个礼拜之前，我们和当年的伴郎伴娘第n次Duke Garden相聚，花相似，人不同， 当年的新郎，新娘，伴郎都要为人父为人母了，伴娘也披上了美丽的嫁衣。即使幸福是那么的相似，每次观礼还是格外感动。

 

晚上重温了少女时代的最爱《穿越时空的少女》，才发觉English title叫The Girl Who Leapt Through Time。 一个少女获得了“不断穿越时空”的超能力，在时光的截点之间穿梭。每个人的生命中都有一些截点。我每天在往前走，一直走。一部分的我被时光拦截下来，她和我挥手告别，永远的留在那里。怀孕40周对我来说就是从生命的一个截点走到另一个截点，走进孕晚期，我离另一个截点越来越近。想着想着，我突然抬起头对老公说，天哪亲爱的，还有两个月我就真的要当妈妈了！

 

到baby Claire对我笑的那个瞬间，不知道我会不会，好像看见小时候的自己，对着我轻轻的微笑。

 

如果能穿越时空，你想去哪里？我大概不会选遥远的太空，或者繁华的朝代。我想回到一些时光的截点，去拥抱熟悉又陌生的自己。

 

 

 

A couple of weeks ago, we gathered after work at Luna Caffe to celebrate Laura's birthday. While still being an "almost-single" young professional with a decent income and lots of potential, Laura said her goal is to be stay-at home mother. Sitting there and listen to her talking...taking about how happy (although not easy) she will be staying with kids, it's hard not to believe that stay-at-home mom is the sweetest job in the world.  

On my way driving back home, I couldn't help but think: If time goes back to two years ago, my re-action would have been so different. 

I grew up in a family and lived in a society in which an individual's value is often defined by his/her contributions outside of the home. Men and women work hard to gain feeling of fulfillment and security. This pattern is magnified by the culture that beauty is largely determined by age. Increasingly, a woman without a career, as she gets old, will eventually be confronted with a feeling of insecurity. Through the early years of my life, this impression has been reinforced by culture, and by my first role model - my mother.  

I have a full-time working mom with a successful career the whole family have been proud of. When Mom brings workplace topics to the dinner table and discussed them with Dad, they have a lot to share. They share intelligence and perspectives. Through sharing they build strong relationship. I felt a tremendous sense of accomplishment and confidence from Mom. Although Mom never taught me, in a young child's eyes, that's a role Mom would like me to become, and it's only the accomplishments outside of home that will bring a woman confidence and wisdom.  

But my perspective changed.

 

终于明白，再大的热情， 也不能让梦想在一夜之间开花。

Having been to a three-day project management training, I can't help but wonder: Could life be a series of do-it-yourself project, and you are the manager of the LIFE project series?

It sounds so true while I think of our new-bought house. From planning and budgeting, to initiating the buying, working with builder in selecting the options, closing to decorating the new home, it could perfectly called a project, a fun and exciting project. Management involves balacing cost, quality and time while still considering stability and movement; Management involved using best strategy and approach to optimize the outcome; Management involves the acquisition and use of limited resources to meet performance expections; Management involves understanding risk and knowing how to respond to risk. Frequently, the project manager is faced with problems and questions. What if cost, quality and time can not be perfectly balanced? Then painful sacrifice must be made. So management also involves setting priorities; it involves helping yourself understand what you want and what's most important.

Project management is everywhere. Every project is an endeavor. Every project is an investment. Everthing project is an undertaking. As the project manager, you lead.

Soon I am turning 24 years old. Ann said, people easily feel lonely on birthday even when they have loved ones around. Maybe it's just human nature -- It was in that moment, on that day that we came to the world alone, and the feeling of being lonely as an individual will be exaggerated. Each birthday some unavoidable questions flash in my mind: Where am I from? Where am I going? Birthday along with these questions sometimes makes me stronger while sometimes more fragile.

In the month of my birthday, I traveled alone between two sweet homes - one in China, the other in this country. Traveling alone becomes part of growing up (or actually, getting old). I was leaving and returning for sweet reunions. My heart has been filled with love and care on either way I go or return.

I am grateful for the love and care I am receiving, and it is making me strong. I used to wonder -Love makes life sweet, but does it also make someone weak and dependent emotionally? Does it have to be emotional independence that makes someone tough, competitive and eventually unbeatable?

Trying to be emotionally independent didn't make me strong as I thought. What it brought is frustration, insecurity and off-balance inside. Then I am coming to realize that I don't have to stay away from myself. Just be myself, and I will be strong. With love being my substantial support and ultimate motivation, I will find a new, independent and happy myself. 

My high school best friend just got married. One month later, the newly-wedded couple put themselves in front of a new life crossing:  The husband is thinking about pursuing Ph.D degree in the US accompanied by the wife , meaning that the couple will have to give up decent jobs, moderately rich and well-situated life with caring parents around. They will have to start all over.

 

We talked and tried to look at things from every angle and perspective.  The box of cholocates has too many possibilities beyond prediction. Three years ago, when I boarded the plane to this country, I never knew where I would be, or more accurately, where I wanted to be. The little me inside my heart was filled with excitement and celebration about making a big move with my life. Sitting in the plane, I looked into the dark wondering why the trip takes so long and what the country looks like--just couldn't wait to begin the adventure. I never knew I will settle here today with the boy sitting right beside me on the plane!

 

Today I can't be more nervous and fragile about change and uncertaincy than ever before. Well, maybe that's the price of growing up and getting old.  

教堂山的大新闻 笔者高阳 http://spaces.msn.com/kwongchowfellow/

2006年3月3日中午时分，一个名叫穆罕默德·利扎·塔乌阿扎（Mohammed Reza Taheri-azar）的教堂山北卡大毕业生驾着一辆吉普，在学生密集的列侬堂（Lenoir Hall，笔者注：校园内的主要就餐点）区域，冲向人群，导致多名人员受伤。伤者其中六位被送往医院，情况并不严重。穆罕默德事后驾车离开事发地点，自行打911自首。警方在无反抗之下将他逮捕。 随后在下午时分，警方将塔乌阿扎的住所封锁并将附近住户疏散，炸弹分队从旁戒备，联邦调查局亦介入调查。据美联社报道，联邦调查局的介入是由于原籍伊朗的疑犯塔乌阿扎怀疑曾公开宣称，“其行动是为了报复美国对穆斯林的对待”。 以上是记者高仰亮在美国北卡罗莱纳州教堂山发回的报道。

And what does January hold?...Bare diaries. Three hundred and sixty-five new days, neatly parceled into weeks, months, seasons. A chunk of time, of life…those few first notes like an orchestra tuning up before the play begins.

 

– Phyllis Nicholson

These days have been pretty hectic. Defense, looking for a car, looking for housing, starting my first job, moving, decorating new home-busy but all fun stuff free of finals and deadlines. Two weeks ago, we drove to UNC library and looked for some books for causual reading, but couldn't find a single parking lot within miles--until then we realized it's season for finals.

 

I am speeding up on two projects at work--not extremely busy. It is good to have enough time to learn and watch. Especially in the holiday season, everyone is relaxed and things slow down. I'd rather give myself a nice break too. Christmas is about surrounding myself in cozyness. Have myself a little merry Christmas.

 

As it comes closer to the end of the year, I take time to pay attention to things around me and within me. Where did the year go? I get a chance to realize that 2005 has been a good year for me, too good to be true -- It was filled with ups and downs for sure, but things eventually worked out as we dreamed. Even though I miss old friends much, I am moving forward with my life happily, and that is the way I want it be. I have a lot to be thankful for.

 

The best gift I am praying for is new friends in North Carolina. Particularly, girlfriends. I admit that I am one of those weird people who can't feel secure without girlfriends. We are having a wonderful relationship, but girlfriends are always different, always. On certain occations, no one else can understand you better than a girlfriend does. No one could be closer to your heart. Holiday is good time for making friends--We are excitedly preparing a Chritmas party for new friends, also a sweet celebration for moving!  

 

 

I got call and was told that we lost the reserved apartment. I have to pick up the Apartment Book again, make calls to find out prices, locations, hidden fees, community facilities...as I did few weeks ago. Over the last two weeks, we patiently made over 15 calls, narrowed down to 5 communites that work best for both of us, drove down there at weekends and saw the actual apartments. We discussed, compared and finally decided to take one facing a beautiful lake. Facing East and has sunshine in mornings. 8-min to my company and 3-min drive to his. 3-min walk to Starbuck, Ruby Tuesday, Chinese Buffet and 24-hour grocery store. Five-min drive to North Carolina's largest mall.

 

Finally we settled and got a chance to think about other stuff. We were excitedly talking about this new place "I particularly like this, I particularly like that..." With the low budget, we carefully planned furnishings and decorations that fit those particular rooms. Now we were told it has been taken. What's the most annoying, the other options have also gone. We have to start again from the research. 5555

 

Be patient. It's we who decided to be so picky, and it's my own cozy home we're building. Don't complain and have fun~

 

 

 

We were excitedly trying our new SoundSticks speaker over last weekend, and it feels so good.

 

Artistic Design. I fell in love with it at the first sight.

 

Premium Sound. Yuhua is a tough critic. I used to like our last speaker, which to him is trash.  But he has been sold on SoundSticks this time. We played Norah Jones, Diana Krall, Jack Johnson, and many more. Every instruments sound so distinct. The place was perfectly filled with soft and beautiful sounds. We were joking we just built a cozy home like Starbucks.

 

Decent Price. We got it from Amazon for around $100. More affordable than Bose, Sony or others.

 

 

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