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September, 2009 Self-indulgence and Unfinished Letter孕8月的时候Ellen问我是不是考虑生完在家陪宝宝一两年，我说会很闷吧。她反问Are you sure？我想也没想，说Oh yeah, absoultely. 距产假结束24天，我忍不住一天一天地倒数，心里越来越抓狂，想花最多的时间陪宝宝。以前不理解为什么身边的新妈妈们都要那么的母爱泛滥，BLOG里放满宝贝的照片，现在的自己在别人眼里大概也是这样。以前觉得很闷的生活，现在更像是自我沉醉，self-indulgence 50多天的可悦象个假小子，乐趣无穷。为了爷爷奶奶和外公，把照片和录像搬到新浪了： http://you.video.sina.com.cn/zhongkeyue 附上一篇没写完的日记，7月10日，痛苦的假阵痛开始，这封信自然也就被遗忘了。 Happily Waiting... July 10, 2009 Dear Baby Claire, I wonder what you look like and whether you can hear me. Do you think of me like I think of you every day? Lately I've been thinking a lot about the day I finally meet you. We're ready to meet you. Your room is done. Shopping is done. Hospital bag is packed. Mom has been working from home for a while. So many people are excited to see you and get to know you. You will be very loved and blessed. Hope your travel to our world will be a smooth one and the transition will be natural. One of these days, we'll leave this house as three and come back as four. Four is the number of balance, and from balance, comes great joy and satisfaction. You're already one of us. Since the time we learned we're expecting, a family was born. The first time we saw your heart flickering in that ultrasound monitor, the first time we've heard your heartbeat in the doppler... it only becomes stronger. Everyday when Daddy gets home from work, he asks about you. As soon as we found out you are a girl, he gave you this beautiful name. We also have an adorable nickname for you. We're so happy to raise you together and share the joy of having you with us. We're not perfect but we hope to give you the best we can. We're inexperienced but we will learn. You were not a suprise, but for a long time I still couldn't believe I'm going to be a Mom. How big of a life change will it be for me?? As you became more and more real, I'm amazed by how you've changed me. I stand in front of the mirror and watch the belly getting bigger and bigger. I see you, and I see the new me. Once you come, there'll be a lot of work. The first few months might be exhausting, and I might get frustrated from time to time. I'll try to learn, learn to be patient, loving and more focused. I want to become a new person, a better version of me. Because of you, I see an inner light that shines through the outer self. July, 2009 谢谢谢谢祝福！宝宝上周六出院了，现在一切都好了~ ********************************************* 谢谢大家这么关心我们和宝宝。小可悦上周一出生的，一天天在成长。只是最近几天肠胃不太好，又要回医院呆着。没能及时回电话和EMAIL，请谅解。。。 请大家为小可悦祝福，看到她插满管子，真是好心疼。。。
这是她4天时候的样子：
YouTube - BabyClaire.4-day-old March, 2009 平凡的一天（续）Traffic ticket case上个礼拜终于settled了，
在这里分享一下经历吧。
我最后用了traffic attorney，帮忙免去了所有点数（DMV和insurance）
在NC，有两个point system, DMV和insurance
DMV是3年内除非有12点才会除牌，
insurance是有了2-3点就会上升的。
用律师，
一来是方便（律师会帮你出庭，电话搞定，连见面都不需要），
二来是要peace of mind,
三来我的stop sign violation,
从网上看其实不好argue，不像speeding，
最后，即使事后insurance还是上升了，
他们还会take care of it.
万一拿了ticket的朋友可以考虑一下，万一哦，
从网上看speeding对律师来说就更容易了。
至于价格，我觉得还是不错的，
$275 including everything (court fee $125+fine $50+legal services fee)，
所以legal services fee是$100，即使fine被免除也是$275，
这还算是比较贵的，
最便宜的legal services fee只要$89, 而且如果最后fine被免除的话，会把那50退给你，
我一共比较过三四家，问了问几个相同的问题，
最后选了前一家，因为觉得他们听起来很有把握，解释原因也挺make sense的。
周末和妈妈聊起这个，
自嘲说我终究还是胆小怕事的绝对良民呵，
薄薄一张罚单，区区几个点数，
去掉了，虽然没有宋江除去脸上刺青的大喜悦，
但也觉得事情少了一桩呢。 March, 2009 It's a girl!!English Name: Claire, meaning clear and bright
Chinese Name: 可悦
Nickname: Cantonese嘟嘟 (Du4 Du2)
Little Nickname: 牛牛妹
Sound complicated, isn't it？
英文名是爸爸起的，
中文名是妈妈期的，
小名和小小名是天上掉下来的，
（因为可爱的小名太多了，
头一抬又想起一个，
所以说天上掉下来）
中文名只是暂定，
第一选择本是“子悦”，
“生死契阔，与子相悦”的“子悦”，
后来改成“可悦”，因音更近Claire；
如果有更好的主意，欢迎分享哦。
要求是音近Claire，
不想以后给她带来identity confusion :)
 February, 2009 平凡的一天（下）11：55am：meeting早到了几分钟，Frank已经坐在那里了。Frank是个亲切和善的老头，Nortel的元老之一，有个比我小几岁的女儿。听他的演讲是一种美妙享受，我最佩服他的story telling，能把生活里的一件鸡毛蒜皮事说得绘声绘色，有滋有味。我们开始了闲聊，我忍不住告诉他ticket的事情，你猜他的回应？
“Did you cry, Michelle?”看他的神情不像开玩笑啊。
我疑惑地问，would that help??
接着他就给我讲故事了，说他有个朋友，警察一上来她的眼泪哗啦哗啦哗流，警察说OK, OK, I’ll give you a break. Stop crying like that!! 大概是怕了你的意思。
我瞪大眼睛：真的假的？早知道我也那样。
Frank说是啊你不知道吗，你还能捂着肚子说里面有个娃娃呢。
哎，可惜我是个bad actor.
Frank又说不过不一定了，要是他大哭，警察一定说，懦夫! 加罚$200！
哈哈，我说如果我是那个警察我会那样说。
到点了人齐了，我谢谢Frank for the funny story，“it cheered me up.”
12：00pm：今天有三个prepared speeches, 第三个Chantelle的一如既往毫无重点不知所云。很快到了Table Topic时间，主持人Jeannie含泪说她星期天参加了一个好姐妹的丧礼，致了丧词。今天只是假设我们自己离开人世的那一天，为自己致丧词的人会说些什么 -- 就是今天即兴演讲的主题。我一向恐惧即兴演讲，可是这么忙都来了，不妨试试吧，talk about yourself，说说自己好话呗，于是举手上了台。我设想自己是Michelle五十年的好友，如何认识，如何深交，如何见证了她生命中许多memorable events, 除了友谊，她留给自己另一笔财富是她的character，她总是那么乐观，即便生活中总有一些小烦恼，她的脸上总是挂着可爱微笑；她总是心存感激，即使人生有不顺心的时候，她还是为自己拥有的爱与友谊感到幸运。
说完了，才意识到那是我给自己的心理暗示，潜意识里我对自己说，不要再为无关幸福的琐事损耗快乐了。我想那才是智慧的。
结果我竟然拿了Table Topic奖，心里美滋滋的，我猜Frank大概也投了我一票。
Meeting结束时在Attendance Sheet上签名，发现几位朋友突然在Employer一栏留白了，哎，大概最近刚刚丢了工作，还有邻座的单亲妈妈Sylvia, 自从去年10月掉了Nortel的工作后一直没有好消息，心里默默地祝她好运。
2：00pm：老公给我打电话，问我心情好点了没，还说他工作累了出来走几分钟， 休息休息，天气很好。我很开心，因为他终于听了我的建议开始散步啦。我说，如果你愿意每天出来走走，我每天陪你电话聊天，如果一个人走无聊的话。他在电话那头惨叫， 说要抽时间走路，还要听我说话，真是多一层的压迫~ 赫赫
7：30pm：晚饭。今天的话题当然是无限丰富了，总结呈辞，我数了一下今天开心的事和不开心的，
开心的，1。首先，天气很好啦；2。Table Topic Best Speaker 喔；3。老公开始散步了；4。工作顺利爱情美好；哦，还有，晚上做的椒盐排骨不算难吃。
不开心的，1。噩梦；2。Ticket； 3。新眼镜是不是要泡汤了？
5>3， 所以啊，今天也不算太糟了。 平凡的一天 (上)
我一向不善于记流水账，但最近总有冲动记录生活的细细碎碎，不知是不是因为最近荷尔蒙的变化？比如说，我想说说今天。
2009年2月10日，我本来以为是个黑霉日呢，写完看看，其实是再平凡不过的一天。像生活里其它日子一样，有烦恼也有快乐。
8：40am：从不愉快的梦中醒来，本来以为工作周三能美美地偷睡个小懒觉，因为有个9：45的Eye Doctor Appt。谁知道做了个古怪的梦，梦见老公喜欢上了别的女生然后我们要离婚。真是诡异，通常梦见两个人的时候都幸福无边。我躺在床上，呆呆地望着天花板，在想为什么会做这种梦。哦---我知道了！还是快快起床吧，开始新的一天就忘记了，今天70几度，天气会很好。
9：15am：难得，工作日两个人可以好好坐下一起吃早点。我嘟嘟囔囔和老公说起梦，他一脸惊讶：“为什么会做这种梦啊，傻瓜？”我想了想，很认真地说，是因为你昨天说我嘴角的痘痘了吧，让我强烈自卑。 他哭笑不得说“这个#￥%&$，怎么会啊？？”我说有的阿，这颗痘痘直接影响我的self-esteem，然后导致我的不安全感喽。其实也是逗着他玩，因为喜欢看他的戏剧性表情。这个梦是有原因的，一是昨天白天邻居同事过来闲聊，说他有一个朋友突然告诉说因为外遇要离婚了，同事很惊讶，我们聊了好一会儿；然后我晚上睡前bedtime reading时候，读到关于Common Dreams & Fantasies of Pregnant Women, 其中一类是"dreaming about your spouse taking up with someone else -- expresses the common fear that pregnancy will destroy your looks forever and make you unappealing to your partner" 我看到这条的时候还在发笑，印象深刻，谁知道真的会梦到，是不是说我内心深处也有fear呢？吃完早点，老公抱抱，再安慰了一会儿，我发觉要迟到了，匆忙出门。
结果就是人生第一张罚单，$171 including court fees，171也就算了，后来查到stop sign violation在北卡竟然是3 points，意味着未来三年的汽车保险大大升高。“真是倒霉透了”，我在车里自言自语，真想对警察说你知道么我昨晚睡得不好早晨心情也不好，还有，你能不能不要浪费了这美妙的好天气呢？哼。
有点被惊吓的意思，毕竟是第一次，所以emotion来的很慢。慢慢地把车开上路，想也没想就给老公打电话，一说话突然觉得委屈，说里带哭。老公以为是事故吓一跳，问清楚后一番安慰，小事情，人没事就好，晚上回家一起看看ticket，云云，还说好好做个eye exam，挑个喜欢的新眼镜。挂了电话，平静多了。想想马上能换个新眼镜，小小兴奋了一下，就要选期待很久的那款~
10：00am：Doctor appt. 自然迟到，顺利做完了exam，终于到了挑镜框的时候了，喜欢的不多，拿过去一算，竟然over $200 out of pocket，因为insurance只cover $180 material fees including frame and lenses我问你确定lenses包括在内吗，确定。11:30必须走了，我需要时间再想想。我说过几天我再带prescription回来，我想和insurance company确认一下。实在不敢相信vision insurance plan这么差，以前几个都比这个好。后来听说，好像是真的。。
11：30am：不管之前发生了什么，终于能坐在办公桌前了！电话听筒上又是那个耀眼的红色-- 4个电话留言，又是一些不大不小的焦头烂额事。深呼吸，一件一件来，电话一个一个回。没过几分钟，发现再不起身，12点的Toastmaster Meeting就来不及了。一天之内还是不要迟到两次好。 January, 2009 Happy New Year from us and ....
Our Baby!!
Global market is plunging and sky is gloomy, I don't care because I'm going to have a little cutie;
Still a mystery whether it's a boy or girl, but I know it's a little miracle.
As the new year starts and the old one ends, I think of you, my friends. I hope I've brought this news and joy to share.
My heart is filled with excitement and wonder, because I will have a dear and special treasure. Nothing than a content heart is more precious.
Happiness is like a butterfly. When you run after it, it flies and flies; If you stand still, it comes and sits with you.
Let's look forward to lots of good cheers in the new year.
To new beginnings...
August, 2008 Our Morning RoutineYuhua sent this to me and he's glad he's not alone : )
From xxhh.net
  .......Zzzzzz
  ....... Zzzzzz
    August, 2008 恣意是禅西雅图。怎样的美景呢？
远处是蓝天，左边是青山，右边是碧海。
还有无边的帆船， 柳暗花明的小房子，像一个一个的惊喜，在环山公路的下一个拐弯。 夏日午后的UW校园，空无一人的走道，地板寂静地发着亮光。
眼前泛绿的樱树，听说春天会开满雪一样的花。 风吹过，树叶沙沙响， 阳光透过缝隙， 投落到地上，变成淡淡的光斑。 走走停停，吃吃喝喝，说说笑笑--
你看，我真是一个不洒脱的人啊。有美景，有美食，有那么那么好的朋友，还是不满足，还是放不下。 什么时候才能恣意地张开双臂，拥抱不确定的未来呢？
恣意是禅。 January, 2008 The End of Something?I thought of this a lot, and I wanted to quit writing blogs.
Summer 2005. New York City. A lazy Sunday afternoon. I was surfing aimlessly online and found this MSN Space. I created one for the pure fun of trying it out. It's been thirty-five months.
To express. To share. To keep a journal. To tell my life stories. Those were the real reasons of starting a blog. Adding an entry used to bring me lots of excitement - expression is fun!
Life moved on, and interests changed. I'm not feeling the excitement from writing like I used to be. Looking back, I see lots of archived blogs are simple sharing of interests. Did they ever make a difference? " If there was no pleasure in the climb, it makes no difference how many peaks you reach" If there was no pleasure in writing, it makes no difference how many entries I add.
Last Sunday night, I was watching the CATS. Through the dancing and movements, I saw extraordinary expression beyond words that brings me alive. There are so many ways to tell life story. Maybe life itself is expression. What really matters is how I live it.
Get a life. Try something new. Manage with more attention to things that really matter. By focusing on the life itself, I'm creating the best of my life story. November, 2007 ConfessionLet me admit it. I'm obsessed with reading others' blogs, watching the daily life trivia of people I don't know, or just surfing on the blog site. I read one. And another. And another. I have to wonder what all those blogs doing to me, and what's the real appeal?
Maybe I'm seeking stories for inspiration. You know, this is the day when all we see are big, black headlines about natural disaster, war, toys made in China being recalled or international terrorism. These gloomy news enhances awareness of world crisis but also makes me feel pathetic and self-uselessness. And ironically, at the celebrity gossip sites, I see Paris in and out of jail, Lindsay in and out of rehab, and Britney's losing and gaining custody. Put the natural disasters and these human dramas together only makes me feel more sympathy for disaster victims. God is playing jokes on the world. Compared with these empty cultural calories, blogs have much more to offer. Every blogger has a story - of hope and heartache, dreams and nightmares, courage and fear, sacrifice and selfishness. Among them there are a few great story tellers. They talk about interesting people they met, and they share cool ideas they've been fascinated about. To some extent, reading blogs can ease the loneliness and provide a sense of community. Not to mention that keeping up with friends' blogs can build up connections.
Well, maybe I should just indulge myself occasionally, just like enjoying good chocolate. At the end of the day, escaping from gloomy news and endless work can offer some well-deserved stress relief, I hope. May, 2007 Finishing TouchCreating a new home is a journey, with a beginning, middle, and a finishing touch, and beyond that, countless memories. Last winter, it took us about two months to select the location/neighborhood, and that includes multiple trips and extensive research on each neighborhood: convenient driving distance from workplace, quality of community services, easy access to resources and facilities, security, re-sale value, connection with nature...and much more. Choosing location is just the start, then come the structure, materials and configuration of a house. After all has been gone through, the house has eventually been built, leaving plenty of room and space for us to define. The home has been well built. How can we make it look good? Finally come the decorative details -- furniture, soft furnishings, window treatments and accessories. I used to think this would be relatively easy part since we have strong preference and clear direction to build a contemporary home. The trend of being contemporary is just toward simplicity, but it may not be as simple as it seems. We want it to be simple as well as multifunctional. We want it to be practical as well as inspiring. We also want it to be open, unbounded as well as private. The real question is - How can we make it look best and function best? We spent every weekend in the past two months (except the airshow one :) in shopping furniture. Yet nothing has been shopped....as we are still looking for better one. This sofa looks so stylish, but does it feel comfortable enough? That storage case is efficient, but it's too old-fashioned... Or should I just say, we want it to be unrealistically perfect? Maybe we are unrealistic....but we are just like most of the new home owners who want their home to reflect their lifestyle, ease their movement and bring solace when everything else falls apart. Actually all of these are not the biggest challenges yet. True dilemma comes from the fact that the home is to reflect combination of two personalities, and two lifestyles. More than that, it's combination of man and woman's interests, tastes and preferences. He loves 'classical' and simple feel of a modern home while I want to experiment some 'innovation' here and there...Finishing touch involves constant communication and cooperative efforts. It involves sharing of thoughts between two and attention to each other. Attention behind every decision made and every problem solved. It is all the details (both technical and emotional) that really finish a house, giving us a new home with quality, soul and love. For better or worse, we will try to make a beautiful finishing touch toward another fresh start of our new life in Arlington Park. January, 2007 20 Years Ago...July, 2006 Blog: Proof of My Happy LifeSomeone said most boggers are not truly happy.
Those who are happy enjoy their real, daily life
away from blog.
I won't agree.
Let my blog be the proof of happy life.
Write nobody's reading,
as Mark Twain wrote,
"Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching. Sing like nobody's listening. Live like it's Heaven on Earth." June, 2006 Walkin' the SunshineHappy first day of summer!
I am falling in love with the sunshine in North Carolina. In the season when the world is blooming with color, there is no time to be shy. Dress in vivid floral hues and turn up the volume a little.
Looking forwarding to another gorgeous weekend.
Looking fowarding to shining, radiating and embracing the brilliance.
Looking forwarding to walking in the sunshine and spreading wherever I go. March, 2006 Beyond the EventI can't believe half of March is over, and it is Friday again. Spring is toying the weather, but for weekends we always get gorgeous sunshine for outdoor activities. We've been hanging out and having fun every weekend recently: pleasant trips, BBQ, parties, games and talks. Everytime we said goodbye with friends finished and finished the whole weekend, we felt exausted, and we swore not to do it again without a long break. Two days later we started exchanging e-mails and planing for the next round... "Dear I want to hang out again tomorrow, and Sunday, and perpetually! Let's pinic~ It must be so much fun." I want to submerse myself in the moments I don’t want to end and have them embedded in my cellular structure, beyond the event. "Let's take a break baby! Also, I have to work this weekend. " So we are going to have a stay-home weekend... Hmmm...It is not a real break though. I am having a long list for this quiet weekend: Watch Movie at South Point I'll be back next week and see how much I've done. March, 2006 Losing Mind In SpringMarch 11, 12: Eno River, NC
March 18, 19: Duke Garden, NC
March 25, 26: Jordan Lake, NC
April 8, 9: Washington DC
April 22-29: Orlando/Miami/Key West, FL
.jpg) January, 2006 Focus On NatureWe were at a Nature & Wildlife Photography Exhibit today. Beautiful and inspiring shots. I always believe nature and wilderness have been a driving force behind our life, energy and passion. Nature's beauty is immense, but too many of the most beautiful moments slip away before the world takes notice. Fortunately great photographers like them document and share those moments with me. January, 2006 Beginners' FunSpending over two years in the "Snowy Palace", I had no idea about what skiing feels like. Sometimes I thought of Santa as a funny skiier: with deers and jingle bells leading with, Santa straps on the old woodies and laces up his big red boots. He skies up through gorgeous pine forest. Deers romped up and down the hillsides, tunnelling through the snow and then bursting out.
What a joke! Then I moved to the south, and I skiied. The first few hours were all about excitement. I felt so proud to drive myself up and down the hill, speed up or slow down as I liked. Later I realized it was just because I played on the ground for the very first beginners- which I can't even call "slope".
"Lift up to the slope! You are doing good enough to start (which is so untrue!)" Five of us were standing up the slope. Turning around and facing the slope, we just couldn't wait to catch the air. How refreshing! We got started, then came the nightmare - We fell down, and just couldn't stop slipping down away from the slope to the rock and trees. Luckily we had a group. We started again and made it the next day, and ended with all-over ache, laughter and promises to meet up again in the near further.
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