孕8月的时候Ellen问我是不是考虑生完在家陪宝宝一两年，我说会很闷吧。她反问Are you sure？我想也没想，说Oh yeah, absoultely.  距产假结束24天，我忍不住一天一天地倒数，心里越来越抓狂，想花最多的时间陪宝宝。以前不理解为什么身边的新妈妈们都要那么的母爱泛滥，BLOG里放满宝贝的照片，现在的自己在别人眼里大概也是这样。以前觉得很闷的生活，现在更像是自我沉醉，self-indulgence

50多天的可悦象个假小子，乐趣无穷。为了爷爷奶奶和外公，把照片和录像搬到新浪了：

http://you.video.sina.com.cn/zhongkeyue

附上一篇没写完的日记，7月10日，痛苦的假阵痛开始，这封信自然也就被遗忘了。

Happily Waiting...

July 10, 2009

Dear Baby Claire,

I wonder what you look like and whether you can hear me. Do you think of me like I think of you every day? Lately I've been thinking a lot about the day I finally meet you.

We're ready to meet you. Your room is done. Shopping is done. Hospital bag is packed. Mom has been working from home for a while. So many people are excited to see you and get to know you. You will be very loved and blessed. Hope your travel to our world will be a smooth one and the transition will be natural. One of these days, we'll leave this house as three and come back as four. Four is the number of balance, and from balance, comes great joy and satisfaction. 

You're already one of us. Since the time we learned we're expecting, a family was born. The first time we saw your heart flickering in that ultrasound monitor, the first time we've heard your heartbeat in the doppler... it only becomes stronger. Everyday when Daddy gets home from work, he asks about you. As soon as we found out you are a girl, he gave you this beautiful name. We also have an adorable nickname for you. We're so happy to raise you together and share the joy of having you with us.

We're not perfect but we hope to give you the best we can. We're inexperienced but we will learn. You were not a suprise, but for a long time I still couldn't believe I'm going to be a Mom. How big of a life change will it be for me?? As you became more and more real, I'm amazed by how you've changed me. I stand in front of the mirror and watch the belly getting bigger and bigger. I see you, and I see the new me.

Once you come, there'll be a lot of work. The first few months might be exhausting, and I might get frustrated from time to time.  I'll try to learn, learn to be patient, loving and more focused. I want to become a new person, a better version of me. Because of you, I see an inner light that shines through the outer self.