I finished my 10th speech with the Toastmasters. For this last one, I was asked to speak in front of a room of high-school teen girls, conjuct with the Campaign for Real Beauty by Dove. I was given this a national report on the self-esteem and asked to talk about body image:

 

It'll difficult audience - just think about how little attention I would have paid to speeches like this if I were a teen. I thought about it again and decided to get involved. Surprisingly they were nice to me. I thank them for the positive feedback - I feel flattered. I want to put my script down here, and I want to share it with Claire some day.

 

You Are Beautiful

“A journey to self-acceptance is never-ending, but definitely worth the trip.”

When I was a teenager, at about your age, look, there were lots of parts of my body I didn’t like: my nose, my acne, my legs, my upper arms, etc and etc. You name it, and I hated it.

I thought a certain lip gloss, a pretty pair of shoes, or weight loss would make me feel beautiful, or lift my spirit. But, in the end, it still rises and falls with compliment or criticism.

At lunch so many girls talked about how they dropped a size. It’s not only at lunch. It’s everywhere, on TV, radio, internet, magazine, people spent so much time talking, and thinking about weight loss, body and clothes. So I learnt from them and only ate so little. I spent a lot of time looking to others to build up who I am. But, in the end, I found it was actually up to me to decide my level of satisfaction and worth.

As I grew up, life stays interesting…. I graduated from high school and went to college. I traveled overseas and met so many great people who gave me inspiration. I work hard and make my colleagues and my company proud of me. I made true friends who accept me and like me as a real person. My focus switched from how I look to what I do, because what I do, not how I look, really says who I am.

I got married, and now I’m expecting my first child. I gained a lot of weight, but personally, I felt even more confident in my body and myself. Everywhere I go, people would look at my pregnant body and instantly smile. I don’t know if I remind them of something else or if the mere image has such a positive effect on people. Either way, somehow I felt that it made their day a little bit brighter, and I felt beautiful. See? I do not need to look like a runway model to be beautiful. My curves that support life and allow me to give birth are beautiful. My strength to push through discomfort for the sake of another life is beautiful. Women are capable of bringing new life into this world, and our bodies, of all shapes and sizes, make that miracle happen.

What you do reveals who you are. What’s the best way to really change the self-esteem? Do something that uplifts your spirit. It’s not that we do each of the things perfectly; it’s that we did them at all that matters. Live your life out loud. Live it truly and put yourself out there. Not everyone will like you. Nor should they. But if you like yourself and design for yourself a life worth living then that’s what really matters.

I want to tell you another story, the story about my junior high school best girlfriend. We grew up together complaining about our body flaws. She used to be ashamed of her big thighs. As she grew, she learnt to focus on something she was good at: she became a terrific basketball player and a dancer. Those flabby thighs she once complained became strong and toned. They carried her through dancing and playing sports, and even more, they carried her though life and made her a confident and beautiful woman.

As I speak, you might be thinking, “I’m not sure if anything you said could change my mind.” Friends, not me, were the most influential people in your life, at least at this moment. Their opinions outweighed mine. Only friends, not me, know what you are feeling, right? I know what you are talking about. Because I was just like you. When Mom or big sisters taught me about self-confidence, most of the time I went back to girlfriends. Because they were the ones sharing body flaws with me. They knew my pain and complained as much as I did.

It took me a while to see the wrong with that. What good did it do any of us to sit and bash ourselves? It only helped us feel worse. We hated ourselves more and more, and we helped each other do it. Then it hit me: the way to feel good about ourselves had to be the opposite!

Next time when girls at lunch eat lettuce and talk about how they dropped a size, change the conservation. Remind yourself not to get caught up in that and talk about more positive topics. I wish I could go back in time to do this myself. You don’t know this now, but you will be a positive influence on others in your class. Don’t obsess over your weight or the size label on your jeans. Stay positive and let the little things go.

Don’t stress about the little things, like losing your 1^st boyfriend or friends who say mean things to  you. There will be more boyfriends and better friends.

And, please, please stop comparing yourself to others. Stop looking at your friend’s bodies and wishing you looked like them. You are a beautiful girl with a beautiful body. You might think your bodies are not thin enough, your arms or thighs are too big, but they are strong. Start embracing your body now. It’s healthy and strong, and you are beautiful.